Mother’s Day Talk May 10, 2009
Brothers and sisters may I speak from my heart?
I know this day is a happy day for most people, but I also understand it can be an uncomfortable day for others. Not everyone is a Mother. Some may be missing their Mothers or, maybe not everyone has had a happy and positive relationship with their mother.
Whatever place you may be in, I hope for the spirit to bear witness of the love Heavenly Father has for all of his children no matter what life experience has brought to you, on this Mother’s Day.
May I share some of the things I’ve thought about this week as I’ve thought about being a Mom.
•Like you, I have had the opportunity to come in contact with many, many women who are mothers. One thing I have noticed that we all have in common is “that none of us are perfect”. And that’s OK with me because, after having seven children of my own, I have also learned that there are “no perfect children.”
•I have thought a lot about how varied our lives are. I find it interesting how everybody’s life experiences are different, even when you are raised in the same family.
I’m reaching the time in my life now when I am beginning to get unsolicited reports back from my older children on how they think I did as a mom, how I’m doing now and what they think could be improved. So far they have been very kind and have gone easy on me about most of it. I have appreciated their insights and have taken much of their suggestions to heart.
•I have a motto in my life. “I will not take credit for the good things my children do, therefore, I will not take the blame for the dumb things they do either.”
I will, however, take responsibility for teaching them the gospel and to love them the best way I know how. And I will never stop trying to improve the way I do both of those things.
•I will be forever thankful to all those wonderful women who gave me the sage advice by word and example to savor the time I have with my children. Taking this advice to heart has blessed my life immensely; my only regret was that I didn’t take it to heart sooner.
•I have thought about how life experience can make you a "prophetess, seer and revelator" in your own home with your own family. Think about it, how often have you said or heard a Mother say,
“Something’s going to get broken!” or “Somebody’s going to get hurt!”
Just before you’re sweeping up shattered glass or headed out the door to the Emergency Room. Which brings us to another familiar phrase, “I knew it!” and followed by, “Why doesn’t anybody listen to me?”
•Motherhood has been, and continues to be, an interesting experience for me. One of the important lessons I’ve learned so far is: it is not a job for quitters,the faint of heart, or for those that can’t admit they’ve made mistakes.
I believe it’s also imperative to understand that Heavenly Father knows our children better than we do, so it would be wise to seek out his advice often.
That’s been the key for me as a Mom, I have embraced the fact that I don’t know everything, I just know what works.
What works is following the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Since it is Mother’s Day, may I say the gospel of Jesus Christ applies to every aspect of being a mom.
It gives understanding and insights about what it means to sacrifice. Should I implement the demands of justice? Or should I show mercy?
The scriptures gives us great examples and understanding about what it means to have
compassion, to be consistent, when to be flexible, or firm.
I personally have a deep love and appreciation for the principle of repentance. I have had to use this…a lot. After all, There is no handbook that comes with each child on how to be their mother!
The Atonement of Jesus Christ works in my life, I have felt the freeing power and relief forgiveness brings. I marvel at the change of heart that can come and enable me to improve and become more like the mom the savior would have me be.
It is also clear to me that this will be a very long work in progress.
•Another key element that works, is learning to recognize and follow what has been described as that “gut feeling”, also known as “Mothers intuition” or what we all know really is, the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
As a parent, I would be clueless without this direction.
I admit that, more often than I like, I am left to myself to figure things out on my own. But sometimes you just get those feelings.
•Like, the strong feeling you get that a child could use some extra time with you so you change your plans and make time to be with them, one on one.
•There are times when you know there is an extra hug needed or when you know exactly what should be taught, mentioned or discussed in Family Home evening, family prayer or discussions around the dinner table.
•Or there are moments when you when you have been asked a difficult question and are searching for just the right answer and somehow the right words come into your mind and you manage to say them just the right way. On the other hand, there have been times when the words that come to mind have said, “Keep your mouth quiet, and just listen.”
The directions I get most of the time, however, are for me as I struggle to figure out the best way to be a Mom at any given moment.
The spirit bears witness to me, when I’ve done something well and I feel peace.
On the other hand, I also know when the spirit withdraws because I have
reacted too harshly, have been impatient, unfair, or have been insensitive. Then comes the prompting to recognize my mistake and apologize to the one I have offended.
There is no sweeter joy than to feel the spirit confirm… that you know you are doing what you should do…., when you should do it.
I know being obedient to Gods commands works.
I have found that expressing gratitude works, it always invites the spirit and strengthens relationships whether it be in our families or otherwise.
I have felt strongly many times and often, to express sincere appreciation to my children. I am urged by the spirit to take the time to thank them for things I may come to expect or otherwise take for granted.
Thank them for the hard work they put in at school, going to church without a fuss, serving a mission, attending seminary, wanting to go to the temple for baptisms, or for sharing or helping a sibling or for doing what I ask them, - the first time.
Instead of being just happy about it and letting it go by, I have been urged to recognize, give a positive word and express my gratitude.
In the document, The Family: A Proclamation to the World , our prophet has taught us:
“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I know there are no guarantees when it comes to raising a child in the gospel and then having them embrace it and carry it forward in their own lives.
The Lord in his wisdom has given us all the gift of agency. I will not take the credit for the righteous choices my children have made, But I must express my deep sense of gratitude I feel for them for doing so. My children have made my life sweeter than I could have ever imagined. I am very fortunate. And to use another Mom quote, “I really do hope your children turn out just like you!”
Life can be sweet but it is not without its challenges
There was a time in my early life that, somehow, I got the notion that if I was obedient, faithful and kept the commandments, everything would go smooth in my life, I would avoid any problems and all would be well, all the time.
This was an obvious misconception. We have been taught by living prophets that challenges come to all. Life is a journey that has its bumps and jolts.
When I consider some of the challenges that can come to us in mortality, I think “bumps and jolts nothing!” How about more like,a giant train wreck that comes to a screeching halt right in yourliving room!
These are the challenges and trials that seem to wipe out, turn around and redefine everything you thought you knew about your life.
The miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that it works during these times too.
In D&C 122 The Savior is speaking to Joseph Smith while in liberty jail. Through these verses he paints a vivid picture that gives us sure understanding that he knows what peril, deep sorrow and despair can come to us.
I’m beginning to realize that to become acquainted with grief, worry, and disappointment, is as much a part of the plan as knowing true joy.
In closing may I share an experience I had early in my life before I was a mother?
I remember expecting my first child and going to register at the hospital that I’d deliver in. There was a woman there sitting in the waiting room. She looked at me and asked me if this was my going to be my first child. I said yes, and I’ve never forgotten what she told me.
She said, “Get ready for your whole life to change; after you have your baby nothing will be the same.” I was surprised at the emotions that statement invoked in me.
After all, I liked my life, I loved my life, I didn’t want everything to change, why would someone say such a thing?
I soon learned how wise that woman was.
In Mathew chapter 16 verse 25 the Savior taught,
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Haven’t there been times in our life when we’ve planned out how we wanted everything to go?- And then real life happened, and nothing went as we had planned.
It’s at those times, I know I’ve have heard myself say, “Hey, I didn’t sign up for this!”
Kind of like when that new baby is put in your arms for the first time. We can’t help but imagine all the joy and happiness that is ahead for us.
Then, as a new mother, you learn quickly that true “joy and happiness” often comes by those things we have to do that “we didn’t sign up for”
Painstakingly those rewards of ”joy and happiness” are earned by many sleepless nights, when we are up caring for a sick child or up late worrying about a well one.
I believe, Its during times we are doing the things, “we didn’t sign up for” are the times we are being taught how to love in a whole new way.
The lady at the hospital was right, When you begin to put time and service in behalf of another, whether you’re a Mom or not, Your whole life will change and never be the same.
But what she failed to mention was what the Lord clearly teaches.
That is, as we lose our lives, through obedience to his commandments, through sacrifice and service, we will discover a much, much better one.
May the Lord bless all of us to see the miracle of the Lords plan for us, no matter where life has taken us, may we embrace and appreciate the time we have here, may we embrace and stick to “what works”. Even the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
